As a Catholic mother, I love my daughter deeply, and she thankfully loves me in return. I’ve prayed for her, supported her, and walked with her through many seasons of life. Today, she identifies as non-binary and asks to be referred to with they/them pronouns. I want to explain—gently but firmly—why I cannot comply with that request.
This isn’t about rejection. It’s about truth.
“God created man in His own image… male and female He created them.” — Genesis 1:27
Created Male and Female
The Catholic Church teaches that God created human beings male and female, and that our bodies are not arbitrary—they are meaningful. My daughter was born female, and I believe that her womanhood is a gift, not a mistake. To refer to her as “they” would be to deny a truth I hold sacred: that her identity is rooted in her biological reality, lovingly designed by God. Although I affirm that sometimes a woman can identify as a “tomboy,” it is important to remain clear about one’s sex, which was determined at one’s creation, and to remain within certain limits when it comes to “gender” in order to reflect that sex.
“Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.” — Jeremiah 1:5
Love Does Not Equal Affirmation
In today’s culture, love is often confused with affirmation. But true love sometimes means saying “no.” I can love my daughter fully without affirming every belief she holds about herself. In fact, I believe that honoring her dignity includes speaking truth—even when it’s difficult.
“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.” — 1 Corinthians 13:6
Language Matters
Pronouns are not just words. They shape how we understand reality. When I use “she,” I’m not just referencing my daughter’s body—I’m affirming the coherence between her body and her soul. To use “they” would be to participate in a narrative I believe is spiritually and biologically untrue. My own heart longs for clarity about the absolute truth, and I pray that her heart does the same.
“Let your yes be yes and your no be no.” — Matthew 5:37
The Pain of Disagreement
This stance has caused a little tension, especially since her boyfriend identifies as “they/them” also, and she wants him to be comfortable with me. I grieve that my daughter and her boyfriend may feel hurt by my refusal. But I also know that integrity requires consistency. I cannot speak in a way that contradicts my conscience, even for the sake of peace. I pray daily that she knows my love is unwavering, even when our beliefs diverge. I say happily that I believe her love for her mother is also unwavering.
“Speak the truth in love.” — Ephesians 4:15
A Call to Courage—and to the Rosary
I share this not to provoke, but to help other parents. Many parents are silently struggling with similar situations. If you’re one of them, know that you’re not alone. It’s possible to love your child fiercely while remaining faithful to your convictions. It’s not easy—but it is holy.
And if your child has left the Catholic faith, I urge you: pray the Rosary. Entrust them to Our Lady, who never ceases to intercede for her children. The Rosary is a powerful spiritual weapon—a chain of grace that binds heaven and earth.
“Pray the Rosary every day… to obtain peace for the world and the end of the war.” — Our Lady of Fatima, 1917
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid… for the Lord your God goes with you.” — Deuteronomy 31:6
Closing Prayer to Our Lady
Mother Mary, Queen of Heaven and Our Lady of Sorrows, You stood at the foot of the Cross with unwavering love. You know the ache of a mother’s heart, and you never cease to intercede for your children.
I entrust my daughter to you. She is yours before she is mine. Wrap her in your mantle of mercy, and lead her gently back to the heart of your Son.
Help me to love her with truth and tenderness. Give me courage when I am weary, and peace when I am misunderstood.
Through the Most Holy Rosary, I unite my prayers with yours. May grace flow where words fail, and may her soul be drawn to the light of Christ.
Amen.
Editor’s Note: This article was written with the help of AI which is programmed with a history of my posts about my faith and family. It reflects my views clearly and truthfully.
